It’s hot as hell, so here’s a cool and refreshing blog post for you…

Hello Erlkingers and Helsings,

Just a very brief update post today, as Britain is gripped in the throes of a heatwave, and i’m trying to minimise movement. Even light typing is generating so much heat that my keyboard keys are melting like liquorice left on a hot car dashboard, and making sweat pour in niagra-like torrents between my shoulder blades.

It’s very warm.

current view of the british countryside

Current view of the British countryside

We dont deal very well with heat here in Britain. Come to think of it, as a country we dont deal well with any kind of weather. The smallest hint of snow and our trains grind to a halt, a breeze strong enough to blow over plastic garden furniture and newscasters are warning us all to stay indoors and avoid all non-essential travel to escape the gale-force winds. The only weather we seem able to manage without complaint and hysteria is light drizzle, which is the status quo for my lovely country. We dont like it, but at least we are used to it, you know where you stand with light drizzle (usually somewhere damp) and it gives us, the british people, an excuse to indulge our favourite national sport, which is complaining about the weather.

(honestly, non-brits. if you are ever trapped in an awkward silence with a british person and dont know what to say, talk about the weather. we LOVE it.)

weather talk

studies show that British people can actually achieve a state of euphoria simply by discussing the weather at length

But it’s not drizzing today, it’s roasting hot and sunny, roughly equivalent to the surface of the sun, or a hot metal slide in any childs playground (they are scientifically proven to be the same temperature) and believe me when I tell you, for someone who is currently laid up in the house on crutches, and unable to get to a sensible place like a country pub beer garden, thats a world of bleurgh.

Ice-cream vans all over the country are spontaneously combusting. Several beer-gardens have now become their own closely guarded fifedoms and are surrounded by barbed wire and armed guards. Her majesty the Queen has ordered that Mount Snowdon be destroyed and melted down to provide enough ice to cool her flammable swans, and the pale and pasty inhabitants of my island are doing what we always do when faced with a little sun, which is stripping off immediately and exposing our fish-belly-white bodies to noonday heat until we achieve the desired shade of beetroot red. (given that we all resemble some kind of albino subterranean mole-people naked, this takes about three minutes)  But the resultant peeling sunburn will give us all something lovely to complain about tomorrow. – and after discussing the weather and tutting about people pushing in queues, complaining is our other beloved national sport.

british lobster

the British: a flammable people

I guarantee you will hear at least one English person every day while this weather lasts breathlessly utter the phrase ‘ooh, I like it hot…but not this hot’, or exclaiming with indignation that ‘it’s very close today! very close indeed!’

(this in itself is a curious phrase. It’s not like we have the equivalent for cold. when it’s freezing we dont say ‘It’s pretty f****ing far away today mate! It’s bloody distant, that’s what it is!’) – before adding in a grumble that we like it cold…but not this cold.

Anyway, housebound as I am, i’m avoiding the sunburn and traffic jams and people sweating in offices which seem to own only one geriatric fan for each floor, and am instead sitting blogging, occasionally with my feet in the paddling pool. Cause that’s the rockstar life.

Wonderful news regarding Chains of Gaia, which has been out in the world now for just over a week, as it has entered the Amazon Bestseller charts. This is incredibly gratifying to me. it’s good to know that my book is working hard, even if i’m not. The first instalment of the series, Isle of Winds, is also back in the Bestseller charts, which is largely due to it’s inclusion in the wonderful world of Bookbub.

chains of gaia isle of winds bestseller amazon

Isle of Winds & Chains of Gaia in Amazon Bestseller

If you dont already subscribe to Bookbub, I urge you to do so. it has some great deals and i’ve discovered a whole lot of good books at great prices through it. (plus they clearly have tremendously good taste as they carry my books from time to time) 🙂 You can definitely pick up a few good summer reads there to take to the beach with you while you get the beetroot look on the go.

In other book-related news, after a long break away, I have re-joined the world of Goodreads. I havent reviewed anything over there yet, but if we are not already freinds on there, please do feel free to come and seek me out (JamesFahyAuthor) as I am an incredibly nosy fellow, and I want to know what you’re reading, if you liked it, what you’re reading next, and your credit card details (including CVC number on reverse) just innocent info-gathering of course.

james fahy goodreads

Dont be a stranger, be a stalker!

That’s all the update for now. Stay tuned for later in the week, when I will be posting my second ‘Authortalk’. (a series of blog posts where I chat, writer-to-writer, with some of my favourite authors, both traditional and Indie. (and occasionally hybrid). I’m not telling you who I have in the hotseat, you’ll just have to pay attention and find out. 🙂

mystery-guest-300x251

mystery guest! (this looks a little like Chewbacca doesnt it? …my mystery guest isnt Chewbacca, sorry.

I’m now off to my shady garden, where expiring pigeons are sizzling melodically in the trees, to smell the summertime smells of burning ice-cream trucks nearby and listen to the dog panting in the shimmering heathaze. Dont get me wrong, she likes it hot, just not this hot, and its terribly close.

It is in fact, imminent.

Scorchio!

chains of gaia flowers

Chains of Gaia: perfect summer garden reading

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “It’s hot as hell, so here’s a cool and refreshing blog post for you…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s